Freddy Kruger gives the gift of hearing, haha!

Job Interview with new HAs?

The good news of the day is: I received an email from Bergen County YJCC, and they want me for an interview this Thursday afternoon! I'm debating wearing my hearing aids or not, I'm still getting used to wearing them (out in public yet), let alone a job interview! They aren't as noticeable as I thought, but I'm still nervous about hearing/listening with them, and even though I have ADA of 1990 behind my back, I still am nervous about wearing them into a new situation dealing with possible employers.

I'm just coming to terms with accepting my hearing and HAs and finding my identity as a musician with hearing loss, but a job interview probably isn't the best place to be "still finding one's self", eh?

Any thoughts??

Audiogram!

As some fellow bloggers have done, here's a snippet of my audiogram!

O = Right ear, X = Left ear.

I was told I had a mildly-moderate "ski-slope" loss (still from birth).

Baseball Player wears HAs! Cool!

Sorry there aren't any captions, but I found this rather inspirational video about a baseball player who wears HAs, is happy, optimistic about playing, and that his hearing impairment is just a part of him. :)

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=5558493

Peace all,
~Justin

Movie Theater Help??

I went to the movies (Toy Story 3, awesome film!), and it was my first time wanting to try out my new HA's. I went to the Customer Service desk, pointed to my HA's, and asked for a loop. A guy brought me a rather conspicuous flagpole-looking device with a plastic 'flag' attached. I've asked on other HoH Boards, and have been informed that apparently I was given a "captions reflector"...?! (No wonder it didn't work when I switched my HAs to 'T'!)

Have any of you had experience with ALD's / loops and such, in theaters? How should they work (with my HAs)? I suppose I'll have to really make sure that I get an actual "loop" next time, eh?? If they give me some kind of infrared headset, will I have to take my BTE's out to use them?

Thanks for your advice!!

Peace,
~Justin

Sigh of Relief!

Hey everybody!

After much nervousness and such...!

Well, after my empowering therapy session this morning, I came home and "show n tell'd" my HAs to mum, first.
I had actually walked around in the kitchen for a few minutes and she had to peer at my ears to see my bte's, hehe...
I told her the NJCBVI paid for them, and that luckily my loss hadn't changed since high school.
She gave me two hugs during our conversation and told me she was proud of me...
She mentioned that a friend of hers wears them too.
She asked how the sound quality was and I said good so far.

I mentioned the support I receive from here, AAMHL, and HLAA, and that I was glad to see other musicians and therapists with them, and that I had really done a lot of thinking about it.
Told her about the Music-Links that would work with my ipod too, so I can still enjoy my music, and she thought that was cool.

Both Nate and dad have walked around me and haven't seemed to even notice yet, hehe! :P

So... I feel a big sigh of relief coming over me! Thank you all for being here and supporting me, and here's my happy "end" to my big nerve-wracking debute hahaha!

Peace always,
~Justin

Auditory Halos & Depth Perception

I have a couple questions based off of observations I've been noticing with my HA's...
I'd best describe them as "auditory halos" or "after-ringing/noise" that immediately follows the amplified sound into my HA's when I'm hearing things. This doesn't occur when I'm not wearing them.

Any thought on what it is? Just residual amplified noise bouncing around inside my ear? Do "normal" hearing people experience this too??

I've also found that my "auditory depth perception" when wearing my HA's is much different than my "norm". When wearing my HA's, sometimes it feels like a person talking next to me or even a couple feet away, (even if I'm not looking at them, or even if I am) is almost "inside my brain"...?! Mainly, people sound louder and closer than they actually are, which can be disorienting at times. What are some effective tools I can use to offset this "distance distortion"?? I've played around with my volumes, but it usually just leads to me just letting things be, and accepting that this is my new way of hearing, and that maybe things were also louder like this, but I just couldn't hear it??

Peace all!
~Justin

Restaurant Night

ey everybody,

Just wanted to drop in and share a new experience!

So I was out to dinner with my girlfriend last night, and we went to a pretty packed Burger place. (Luckily, they have awesome veggieburgers, so I can have my vegan fix hahaha--but grossly enough, they put friggin bacon, which was NOT on the menu for that burger, on my burger, which I had to yoink right off after a bite, to find it hidden under the bun?!)... Sorry for the digression... onward...!

W(ell, except for the couple hours Amanda asked to wear them to her class in the afternoon, haha, so she could 'see how I heard',---and she found that if she tugged the earmolds out a tiny bit, to reduce the 'suction', then things were balanced, albeit even on '1', they were loud for her--to me, I have to put them between 2-3, and squish them in a bit She described some things to me while she had them in, that I kinda heard with them in a different way, and I told
her that what she was hearing on '1', was maybe something similar to the sounds I hear with them up louder---I had been wearing my HA's just about all day, and didn't want to take them out as I often did in the beginning. I decided to be brave and wear them into the restaurant. Of course, I was bombarded with tons of crowd noise and such. I normally sit across from Amanda, but I chose to sit right next to her instead, so I could not only snuggle a tad, haha, but also hear her better. (Surprisingly, she was on my left, "worse" side, but I could still hear her and understand her almost as easily as if she had been on my right!) I persevered through the racket and worked on tuning out the extraneous noise, although she had to repeat the waiter's questions to me a few times because I could hear him. A couple screeching kids made me cringe at times, and there was that awful "oven beeper" noise, I think it was, that kept going off, and I kept wondering if my "ears" were whistling, but I decided they weren't, it was just the noise. I'm sure you are all familiar with that "ambiance" that assaults our microphones, plunging into our eardrums, hahaha. As noisy as it was, I felt like I was making headway forward in trying out my HA's and learning to listen again, and overall, it was OK. :)

On the ride home, we had the windows open, and the radio up, but the wind caused the music to be quite intermittent, at least to me, and I was surprised to find that I had turned my HA's all the way up to try and hear the music, even with all the wind (sometimes I think I'm a volume junkie hahaha)!!! It was a sea of wind noise, and then I'd hear Amanda's voice quite loudly in my ear when she'd talk to me. I wouldn't realise how loud everything was until we'd slow down to pay a toll, or roll the windows up, that everything was quite lud, and I had to roll down the volume nubs hahaha!

And, as we entered my town, I popped my HA's out, them squealing in protest as I tugged out the molds, to give my ears a rest for the day, and really noticed just how much quieter my world really has been for a long time... An odd introspection, to be sure...

But it was nice to get out to dinner, as we hadn't in awhile, and I felt better about 'being brave' and working through the racket... :) I'm finding that even if some places are difficult, I still am happy to find myself hearing better, even if in the slightest, you know? As tiring as trying to tune out noise can be, it's less tiring than straining to hear in the first place! XD

Does anyone have any tips that have worked for them, in dealing with listening through HA noise, and in noisy places?? Would wait-staff be perplexed if I didn't even talk, just wrote everything down (but then that leads my troubled eyes to have to stick the pad to my nose to see!)??

Peace everybody!
~Justin

Scrumptious Soup!

Here's a wonderful, spicy, Indian, vegan soup recipe for rainy days!

http://www.buffchickpea.com/2009/02/curried-cauliflower-soup.html

Late-Night Listening

I put my HA's in late last night (or, extremely early this morning haha), whilst my window was open, and closed my eyes for a few minutes at times, to just breathe and listen and feel comfortable. I could hear the wooshes of cars zipping down the road, trucks in their rumbling graveyard commutes, and when things calmed, the sound of...the night air--you know, that subtle extra bit of 'white-noise'-type sound that floats into your HA's and settles there?! And who knew that rustling sheets/blankets could sound so crinkly and noisy at night?? Do they sound like that to 'normal hearing' people?? I feel like I have to be a mouse sometimes, when wearing them!

Where Am I?

I used to perform weekly at University coffeehouses, and back in my second University, I was introduced to electronic music production and DJ'ing. Since then, I've been "hibernating" in my room at home, still composing, but oddly shyed away from performing much. I had to sell my turntables and DJ equipment due to hard times, and I haven't performed since 2007. I'm looking to like-minded people to make music with, and I'd love to spin at a party again!

I just really feel like I haven't found my place yet in the world. I'm not Deaf, never was fully hearing, but somewhere in the middle (same with my vision too--not totally blind, never had perfect sight, but am 'legally blind' without my glasses, 20/80 with and although I can legally get a driver's license in NY, I choose not to, out of terror, safety and responsibility). I still do my music, but I feel odd doing it as a person with a hearing impairment (does that make sense??). I have to say that, learning to re-listen to music, especially my favourite Metal and Rock and things, with my HA's, sounds are much different and I find myself almost disheartened and saddened at the distorted difference. Sometimes I feel I hear music better without wearing them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd feel shy for sure, exposing myself as a HoH musician, (as if being a quiet person with a visual impairment who plays 7-string guitar isn't hard enough) adding ear-bananas to the mix...

"Show and Tell" to my Family?!

I've been thinking about telling (and showing) my family (about) my new HA's, and all... Only my grandmum has an age-related loss. They know I've had my loss all my life, and that I hated my HA's all throughout childhood through University.

Then I went and got a pair on my own without telling anybody, and have found also a new-found sort of "courage" and "wanting" to belong to the Deaf/HoH community... (Back in middle school, as much as I despised my ITE, I actually wanted to go to college at Gallaudet to become a teacher of the Deaf at one point, and was also taking ASL classes)

I've only been wearing my new HA's when I go out and about, never have I worn them in my house around anybody here, yet. Intended well-meaning aside, my folks can be overprotective and patronizing a bit. Part of me hopes that by showing them my HA's and telling them of my recent thoughts and courage, that they'll gain a new respect for me. Part of me also fears that after this "show and tell", they'll become worse, which will be intolerable!

I'm wondering what are the best first words I should use to go about telling them?
Should I call everybody into the living room and, wearing them, tell them what I've done and how differently I feel now? I want to sit them down and just get it all out there, and I hope that by appearing as confident in myself as I can be (even if I'm shaking), that it'll rub off on them.

I'm trying to think of a good way to approach the whole thing--what would be a line or two that I could say that would ease their apprehensions or whatever? I'd appreciate any and all thoughts and proposed "telling" methodology!

Peace always,
~Justin

Ear-Swapping & World Dampening

Well, I have my new Starkeys now, and am beginning my new journey and enjoying them! Amanda wanted to try them on one day when we went out, so she could, "hear what I heard, so she could understand how I heard, so she could help me." Well, I let her, and unfortunately she didn't like them. She heard quite differently than I do with them on, but I guess that's to be expected, eh? haha

I kinda get a kick out of being able to "significantly mute" my world with my HA's, like I could never do before--just press the T button, and voila, pretty much silence, and a funny hum that changes pitches as I move around from the telecoil being on... It's an oddly comforting feeling being able to do that, you know??

Noisy Spaces, Quiet Faces

I've noticed whilst wearing my HA's, that my ears take a bit of time adjusting to noisy places. I can hear people directly in front of me much clearer than before, along with all the extraneous washes of noise. I've also become more self-aware of just how much lipreading/face-watching I've been doing over the years without realising it! This is yet another reason I want to relearn sign, so that I can talk and clarify something if I miss it, you know? But, seeing how I studied in Middle School and again in University, and forgot almost all, save the alphabet and a few signs, I really want to take it up again!

Torn

I have been doing some thinking since I've gotten my HA's, and I'm starting to feel 'torn' in a way... I grew up HoH but never wanted to admit it or share it with anyone. Then I got into music, and DEFINITELY was ashamed to divulge that I had problems hearing/understanding people/lyrics. Fast forward to now, and I've somehow mustered the courage to try and help myself a little, but now I feel caught in-between the Deaf and hearing worlds. Being a musician makes it feel even weirder, and I don't know what to think about myself sometimes, or where I quite fit in... :/

The First Week

On the first evening I got my new HA's, the ride home was...almost indescribable, in a good way... Amanda joked that I was so quiet, but i was just taking in all the new sounds... I heard her voice and my own, quite clearly, and even though there was wind noise through the windows, it was ok... I noticed that whenever we'd hit a pothole or something, the low in them would make a distorted 'pop' like a bassdrum kick haha! But like my audie said, I can tweak them a little, and it'll be all good... The loudness of them was just fine, I saw I had them on 2, and it was just fine and comfortably loud. We went for lunch at TGIF's, and unbeknownst to either of us, it was a disorienting cacophony! (So I had to take them out for lunch...I tried turning them off instead, but I couldn't hear ANYTHING, so :P )

Listening to the radio in the car was a new experience; normally I've been so used to hearing pitches and such (especially guitars) in a quieter albeit clearer way, but they sounded a bit distorted and I found I had to pay attention harder to recognize the chords. AC/DC sounded kinda funny, because it just sounded like a bit of noise at first (now I guess I know why "elders" always tell you to "turn that racket off" haha), but in time and with a tad bit of tweaking, I'll train my ears again a bit, and I'll be on my way...

So far, the HA's are quite a good difference from the quietude of the last years! They are comfortable and I actually like wearing them. :) (I know you're not supposed to wear them to bed, but when I did one night, I pressed the little buttons and they beeped, and everything sounded very quiet, almost like a tiny, humming ocean; oddly comforting)... I notice how much clearer my own voice is (even if my actual speaking voice doesn't rise in volume to everyone else) and Amanda's voice and even can hear, surprisingly distinctly, people's conversations in the next aisle at the store, haha (that last part is kinda disorienting, because I really don't care to hear THAT far away hahaha)! I look forward to receiving my Music-Links soon and trying out my ipod, to see how music sounds, as a final "test" to see how everything will sound! Playing my guitars and hand-drums sound ok so far, too!

The other day was...interesting, to say the least... I was at the mall, and as I entered a bookstore, the alarm things went off! And they did it again as I left, even though I pressed the little buttons on my HAs, but could still hear a loud, HORRID, machine-y, "rerererere" noise as I got closer then passed through them. I had to go back in and show the lady at the desk, my HAs in my ears and try and tell her that they set it off. She looked at me funny then shrugged and said, "oh...OK". Kinda embarrassing. :\

Have you ever had that happen?
What would you advise (as to what to do in those situations, or what to do to my HA's)?
What is it in newer, digital HAs that cause the alarms to sound? Some kind of magnet or something?

I always appreciate readers' thoughts!

Peace,
~Justin

Lengthy Introduction

Hello, all! Welcome to Turn It Up!

I was born 2lbs, 2oz, in August 1980. I was diagnosed with Retinopathy of Prematurity, and a hearing loss. At 6, I had surgery to correct my left eye's detached retina, forever leaving me with, as I call it, "the ability to SEE out of both eyes, but only LOOK out of one at a time (my right eye being my much stronger eye)." Without my specs, I am legally blind; with them, I am 20/80.

I was given various hearing aids for my left ear as a kid, and deeply disliked them all, mostly due to the amount of taunting I received in school from peers, but also, secretly, the unbalanced' feeling I had wearing only one. Sometime in high school I stopped wearing it, because I disliked both the feel of the thing and the sound quality, and I kept it quite hidden from my peers during the very rare instances I would be brave enough to "try out my new ear."

A bit more than a decade has gone by, that I haven't worn hearing aids. I know at nearly 30, it shouldn't matter to me, but still there's a part of me that's afraid that things will sound horrid, and people will be just as impatient and nasty as they were when I was younger. Trying to detach myself from those thoughts, I think to myself how nice it will be to be able to hear my cat purr again, how much easier it will be listening to the telley, and maybe even how much nicer music through my HA's will sound, if I get Music-Link hooks... Those seemingly small comforts bring me much excitement and happiness,and I will certainly try and let them be my guides as I start my journey of hearing in new ways.

Big "Thank you!"s to both Sarah (http://speakuplibrarian.blogspot.com/) and Elizabeth (http://ehwhathuh.blogspot.com/) for their warm encouragement about starting this blog, friendly advice and great stories!

By the way, did you know that Stephen Stills (the guitarist of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young) wears Starkey HA's I think?! ;)

Feel free to say hello!

Peace always!